First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
