Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize