Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
