So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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