ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
