you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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