Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
