how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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