the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
