the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
