somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
