Your face is a jimmy john
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
whose parrot is this?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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