So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
