My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
