I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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