Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
