The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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