You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you win again, gameday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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