And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
