Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
