My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
