Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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