I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
