Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just cropdusted the office
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
