ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
