Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
