I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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