I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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