fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
