You really coming over, don't trick.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
