My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
