So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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