The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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