I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
