Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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