remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
