I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
