He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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