i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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