Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
