Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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