I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
