He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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