70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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