omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize