i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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