I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
