good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
