We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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