in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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