no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Congratulations! We have a period
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