you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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