i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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