I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
