found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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