I want to have your abortion
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
