I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
