u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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