I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
