i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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