So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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