You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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