When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
