Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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