Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
