There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
