He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
