In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
