Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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