im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
