Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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