We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
