You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
