I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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