yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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