Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
