Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
