they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
