you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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