good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
