I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
